Thanks for the advice

It was a busy weekend. I took a Chinese Medicine course to begin learning some new modalities for my bodywork practice. In the course of this class, it came up that I'm going through fertility treatments. (I always make a point to say "fertility" treatments instead of "infertility." I figure they *should* make me *more* fertile, right? Right???) Being open about it with the 12 others in the class was a good thing in the sense that it allowed me to get some treatment techniques and allowed them to gain compassion and also have a plan when a barren woman comes to them for treatment. I felt sort of spoiled in that sense.

BUT there's always that one woman who must share her one tip for success with you. The teacher did a treatment on me attempting to get my uterus to stand up (since it's retroflexed). Whatever. I did have some odd sensations, but I doubt that it "fixed" anything. Before going to lunch, the woman behind me asked me if I had tried flipping my butt toward the ceiling, so that my knees would be by my ears, after sex. I said, "Geesh. No. Have you?" If I understood her correctly, then it would be like plow pose (pictured above), but with bent knees... because after all, you should RELAX a little bit, right? When she asked me, I thought, "Damn. Here we go." Just to embarrass her a little bit, I made her go into graphic detail about this *lucky* position. She claims that it worked both for her and her mother. Of course, if/when I don't get pregnant this cycle, I'm going to be kicking myself that I didn't throw my ass towards the ceiling after sex 2 weeks ago.

I also got the "You'll get pregnant once you put on some weight" comments X 5. I've never been anorexic or had an eating disorder and I'm not even that skinny. I'm on the lower side of normal, but I AM normal. I'm wiry because I did ballet until college. Granted, I have put on some fat in the past 4 months (since my running and climbing have been taken away and since I'm taking fertility meds). I like my new body and I like putting on weight. It's just annoying. I find those comments really, really embarrassing. When I was in the Middle East before I was married, they pegged me as an infertile on just my weight alone. Yet my mother was smaller than me when she conceived my oldest sister and she had 8 of us! Anyways, I'm trying to eat as much ice cream and gain as much weight as I can. I'm tired of feeling self-blame for one more thing that just is. And, yes, as all of you.. I'm tired of getting people's lame advice.

Even though I will try it. ;)

13 dpo today. Boobs are finally quite sore and I have some dull cramps. I'm just waiting for the diarrhea and lower back pain to hit and then we'll know she's on her way. Even though I am harboring a *teensy* bit of hope that there's a baby in there. I guess that HCG booster really does keep AF away. At least those IM shots are doing something! The other weird thing happening lately is that I wake up at 2 a.m. hungry. And I've had lots of vivid dreams.

In other news, my uncle has been ill with esophageal cancer. One of my dreams was about him last night. He's just so sick and this all happened so fast. And I'm so sad. In my sleep-deprived and sensitive state, I told God that I'd give up my baby dreams if my uncle would just miraculously be cured. If that happened, then I'd know that my life is supposed to continue on a different road. I guess I mean that. Sometimes I really don't know what I mean, though....