Ode to Coffee

So, I'm 98% sure that the RE would forbid my coffee. He's already forbidden all of my climbing, running and ashtanga yoga. Those rules I can handle -- sorta. The first two months with the RE, I did manage to satisfy myself with tea. And then the weather changed and I couldn't bear it. I needed my coffee back! I remember our first consult with the RE. He asked about my caffeine consumption and suggested that "green tea can increase fertility." Aaaaaaaaaggghhhh!!!

When I had my annual exam 2 weeks ago, I asked the ob/gyn about caffeine. She said that in "global literature, coffee consumption doesn't cause the problems that are claimed in American literature." Then she threw in this: "Americans are purists, you know." SO TRUE. Sister spoke to my soul. That day, I started having my one cup a day. God bless her.

And that cup of morning coffee makes me much happier. The ritual of making it, the smell, the mini-jolt. I'm tired of waiting and self-sacrificing and trying to be so perfect and ascetic. It's annoying and I don't want the pressure of being the perfect patient/mother/TTC'er any more. Liberating!!!!!!!

I was sure to ask, "Are you sure it doesn't interfere with implantation?" "Definitely not," she replied -- smirking as if she thought that was a silly question. She just warned not to drink so much that the baby is born with the shakes; accompanied with a little demonstration of a baby with the shakes. I won't. Just one cup. Just one damn cup of pure morning bliss.

In other news, I'm 10dpo. Boobs slightly tender and some creamy cm, still. Slight crampiness today, as if AF is impending. Trying not to think about it. But, of course, I am.